Don’t Drink & Saw

During my un-married years, I lived (on and off) with a guy named Baltimore. I have known Baltimore since I was nine and my family spent our first Christmas in Florida with his family. Then my family bought the house across the street from Baltimore’s family and we all grew up together.

So, about ten years ago, I was living with Baltimore and we rented his mother’s townhouse.

One night my girlfriend Terri and I were drinking wine on the back deck of the town home and Baltimore was at work. I complained to Terri about this twiggy tree that I hated because it was planted in two feet of earth between our driveway and the driveway next door. Every time it rained, the twiggy tree would hold water… and then dump it on me as I exited my car. Plus the twiggy tree looked dumb and it was in the way and why would anyone plant a tree there, in two feet of earth? We were brimming with wine wisdom.

So, Terri, being a more bolder-proactive-person than me, suggested that we simply cut the tree down. I told Terri that I should really check with Baltimore first because I thought that he mentioned something about his mom and how she wanted to dig the tree up and transplant it on her farm.

But after we finished the second bottle of wine, Terri and I decided that Baltimore’s mom really didn’t want the tree because she had moved out of the town home over two years before and she had made no effort to get the tree. Plus, we decided, that we shouldn’t disturb Baltimore over something so trivial as cutting down a tree… because he was probably busy saving lives and stuff.

So we cut the tree down and we drug it to the vacant lot next to the town homes and left it.

Then for some strange reason, I felt bad.

Terri said not to worry because Baltimore was a man, and he would never even notice that the tree was gone -especially in the pitch darkness of night. But I knew better. Baltimore would notice because, after all, he was (kind of) a professional observer and I was convinced that he could read my mind.

A short time later, Baltimore came home from work and he said hello to Terri. Then, Baltimore looked directly at me and he asked me what happened to the tree. No hello, no nice to see you, just simply, what happened to the tree. I told him that Terri and I had cut it down with my Christmas tree saw and drug it to the vacant lot down the street.

Then Baltimore told me that his deceased sister gave that tree to his mom on the Mother’s Day before she died.

Terri and I immediately ran to the vacant lot to gather whatever tree parts we could find with our flashlights. We were going to “root” the tree parts and regrow the tree!

For two weeks our town home was littered with dead tree branches sticking out of bowls, pitchers, pots and anything else that would hold water. Needless to say, nothing grew roots.

Baltimore’s mom was gracious about it, as was Baltimore.

I don’t drink wine and saw anymore.

One comment on “Don’t Drink & Saw

  1. Chris
    June 15, 2012 at June 15, 2012 #

    Yes!! I remember that story LOL. Don’t you have one about drinking and shredding??

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