Ohio Makes Fat Floridians

I ate my way through Ohio last weekend.

I gained three pounds in fifty-five hours. Three pounds doesn’t sound like a lot; unless you imagine duct taping twelve sticks of butter to your inner thighs (because that is where weight goes on me), then it becomes a serious amount of fatness.

Last night when I crawled into bed, I tried to analyze the Ohio poundage with my husband.

“I gained three pounds while I was in Ohio. All I did was eat.”

So? You were on vacation.

“Vacation has nothing to do with it. I didn’t gain weight when we went on a cruise for four days. I was only in Ohio for fifty-five hours and I managed to increase my body weight by nearly 2.5%. I think food tastes better there. Maybe it’s the air. Everything tasted so good. And the bread was amazing. Every restaurant served home-made bread! Food tastes better in Michigan too. That’s probably it, the air is better in the North. I think it’s the lack of humidity.”

Don’t worry so much. You ran tonight. You’ll loose it. You are being silly.

“My thighs have grown together. Do you think THAT is silly?”

No, that is CRAZY.

“Then should probably get used to having a fat AND crazy wife. ”

(eye roll)

“Will you rub my back until I fall asleep?”

Why don’t you ever rub me?

“Because I’m too fat to move.”

Lasagne, sangria, chocolate, bread, red velvet cheesecake; everything is better in Ohio.

I should have tried the ice cream.


One comment on “Ohio Makes Fat Floridians

  1. faydanamyjake
    August 31, 2012 at August 31, 2012 #

    It will go! You must be imagining the thighs lol surely it’s more likely still in your tummy 🙂

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