I’ve been to Crazy and I’m Back!

Yeah, I know. Everyone has asked me. And thank you for asking. Really.

I haven’t blogged in a while. And yes, I’ve been writing, I always write.

As you know, my writing reflects my life. And from October through December my body was going through some major side effects because I changed from the synthetic (Rx) form of estrogen to bio-identical hormone cream. The doctor told me to expect fatigue, mood swings, hot flashes, and maybe some weight loss.

In the first three months I had a few hot flashes, several mood swings, mid-level fatigue and I lost twenty-seven pounds. I am five-feet three inches, so on me twenty-seven pounds means I went from a size twelve to a size eight. So I freaked a little. And as a result, I became this crazed, hormone-driven person who was suddenly obsessed with clothing sizes and scales -and it was all reflected, quite colorfully, in my journals.

Rational Kelly: knew I ate 1200-1500 healthy calories a day and exercised for an hour, 4-5 days a week; knew my body had been holding on to the excess weight for the past eighteen months, since THE surgery; knew I shouldn’t be a size 12 because I didn’t eat enough to support it; would have celebrated each lost pound.

Irrational Kelly: wrote down everything I ate because I couldn’t understand why I was loosing a few pounds a week; couldn’t comprehend how a dab of cream twice a day, could make my body react normally; was afraid I was starving myself, even though I wasn’t hungry; was afraid I had an undiagnosed illness and would soon start losing my hair; made my husband buy a new scale, because even though my clothes were falling off my body, I was sure our old scale had to be broken; cut my exercise back to three or four days a week because maybe I was exercising too much even though I wasn’t sore; was worried I would wake up and my new size eight clothes wouldn’t fit.

You get the picture. I didn’t blog because my journal read like a food diary written by a panic-stricken, eating-disordered, depressed person with OCD. I couldn’t show that to the world.. rubber room, straight-jacket much?

And here I am. I feel fantastic. From what I understand the first three months off synthetic estrogen are the worst, and then it only gets better; I’m at the end of month four. Super yay.

In 2012 I ran eight 5k’s with my husband. So in April, since I finally feel runner-sized, I have decided to do a half marathon. I’m diligently training, using the Jeff Galloway method, and I am determined to finish, “upright, with a smile on my face,” and ahead of the sag wagon.

Ideally, I would like to loose a few more pounds before I run 13.1 miles, but I’m not dieting. I plan to just keep making (mostly) healthy food choices, and if I loose a few pounds, great. That said, if the weight loss gift-horse wants to pay me another visit, I promise not to look him in the mouth this time.

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2 comments on “I’ve been to Crazy and I’m Back!

  1. knr1851
    January 23, 2013 at January 23, 2013 #

    That’s my friend!!

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