Is It Salty Celery or Just Semen?

My friend texted me today, and asked me to read her Facebook status because she had a “total Kelly moment.”

(notice how I’m ignoring the part about my very close and trusted friend naming her faux pas in my honor)

Since my iPhone battery was near death, I decided to quickly use my office computer to log in to my Facebook account. I normally don’t use my company’s computer because I think the mothership monitors my internet history, but this was an urgent situation for two reasons: a.) this friend never calls attention to herself, and b.) she never does anything embarrassing. Ever.

So I log on to Facebook at work, and I make it quick; however, in speed reading my friend’s status update, I missed a lot. A whole lot. My friend’s actual status update read: My celery tastes very salty so I decided to do a search. Uhmmm, not sure how result #3 factors in… and she showed a screen shot of her Google search, result #3 was titled “What does semen taste like.”

But, that’s not what I absorbed when I skimmed it. I took away something completely different; more along the lines of how she meant to Google “celery” and it was autocorrected to “semen” …and then I hurried to post a comment. My comment read: I often think celery tastes like semen. LOL

Then my friend texted me. And I realized I sounded like a porn star; like I’ve taste tested semen and compared it to vegetables.

I explained to my friend what I thought her status was about, and how I meant for my comment to be funny, to show camaraderie by conveying how I often spell an innocent word and end up with an autocorrected sexual word. But I was in a hurry… and OMG! Thankfully my friend deleted my post.

And then I remembered my friend and my son are Facebook friends too.

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