I’m Gleek, The Pet Space Monkey with a Limp

My right hip hurts. And my left foot hurts. And I know that makes me sound like Quasimoto on Geritol, but actually, it’s my husband’s fault. And my friend Ethel’s fault too; and really, it’s like blaming the same person because my husband and my friend Ethel are the Wonder Twins.

During an expo for a Biggest Loser runner’s event last year, Ethel talked me into believing I could run a half marathon; she got me all pumped up with her, “You can do it… you go girl!” crap, and all of those Biggest Loser motivational speakers, and the photos.. they didn’t help either -man, I’m a sucker for a good sales pitch. And so now, three months into my half marathon training I have a plantar wart; which is apparently a common runner’s injury, not caused by being dirty. But still, knowing I have a clean, non-witchy plantar wart on my foot doesn’t lessen the pain in my left foot.

And my husband is culpable because he is a more experienced runner, and he has a faster pace. Plus he is a happy, perky runner, which pisses me off in general. And since Hubs is my running partner (because it’s usually dark when I run, and dogs like to bite me in the ass), I tend to run faster with him, so as a result my right hip flexor hurts.

So when I walk, I limp; because I ease up on the ball of my left foot, and slowly come down on my right side, since my hip flexor hurts. It’s sort of a hobble-limp-shuffle. And in nine weeks I’m supposed to run thirteen miles.

This past Sunday my Hubs tells me I should rest, and skip my long run; he says I should not stress my body and allow it time to heal. Otherwise, my husband says, I could cause further injury to my hip.

And of course, I did not listen to my husband, and I ran seven miles. So after my long run, I was in tears. I texted Ethel for sympathy, and I told her I’d never make it 13 miles. The sag wagon was going to get me. My foot hurt and my hip flexor hurt… blah, whine, blah, whine.

And Ethel texts me back: Take it easy and heal. Stressing your body too much will make it worse and cause further injury.


And the next morning, Ethel had completed a 5k Wounded Warrior mudder-type event, and so I texted with her a bit and inquired about her experience. Ethel mentioned her hand was swollen, like an elephant, and so I asked her why, and she said it was because she carries her iPhone since she likes the control of having it in her hand, and not strapped to her body. Really? That’s a shocker. Because I know of exactly one other person on the planet who carries his iPhone when he runs too, and for exactly the same reason.

I swear I can ask Ethel a question, and the answer will come out of my husband’s mouth.

Wonder Twin Powers ACTIVATE!


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