My Inner Goddess Needs Anti-Depressants

It’s seven and a half weeks until my first half marathon, and despite all of my home-care efforts, I still have hip flexor pain. So I visited the doctor. I found a doctor I could talk to, and one who was supportive and worked with real athletes and middle-aged first-timers like me. And he listened. And I felt hopeful.

Until the Doc said, “Don’t move!” Like I had a bug on me or something; and then he wheeled over a mirror and geez, my shoulders were freakishly uneven. I’m talking pay-a-dime-circus-side-show-freak uneven. AND I NEVER NOTICED. I guess fat covers up uneveness. Since I lost the 30lbs, I noticed I have bones at the top of my shoulders (at first I thought they were lumps or growths), but I never noticed one shoulder was a good inch or so lower than the other. Whoa. I AM the Crooked Lady.

The doc took X-Rays, and sounded positive; and while he won’t be certain until after he sees the X-Rays, he told me it may be tight, but I could probably still do the half marathon, I’d just have to walk some of it.

Uhmm. Thirteen miles? Yeah, I am SO okay with walking my crooked bod… no problem there Doc. My goal is to finish.

The doctor said my hip hurts because one of my legs is shorter, so my whole body is uneven; everything falls wrong, off kilter, and causes junk to squish wrong, etc. Of course, the Doc used more professional language, but it was all background noise to the vision in my head of myself running; and looking like one of Hershel’s barn zombies, right after Shane released them.

My new doc says my crookedness may be fixed with exercises, shoe inserts, and a wedge in the shoe of my short leg …maybe. But he won’t know for sure until he sees the X-Ray.

Maybe my newly discovered crookedness is why I have had ‘twisty’ days, when my clothes just felt wrong? Or maybe uneven shoulders are why tank tops look funny on me? Is this why I hate Lee jeans?

My Inner goddess is telling me not to get too excited about exercise and shoe inserts solving my hip pain; because it’s never simple for me. My Goddess is reminding me about the last two times I started to train for a half marathon and how each time I lost an organ via major abdominal surgery.

Sssh! Inner Goddess, I’m running low on expendable organs. Stop being so negative! And Besides, you are as crooked as a Winn Dixie cashier, and you have a non-witchy-runner’s wart on your foot… some Goddess you are. Pssht!

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