Dem Old Bones Need The Woody

It’s official I’m the Crooked Lady. But the good news is, I am fixable. And I can probably still do the half marathon in seven weeks. And the best news is: I am not loosing any organs this time!

Twenty-four-ish years ago, when I received a swift and severe blow to my lower back, a few of my lower spinal-Legos were pushed and/or jolted forward; and back then, when the ER doctor told me to follow up with an orthopedic doctor, I dismissed him. Pssht. At the time, I felt like I had a twenty-two year old invincible body, and it healed fast; I felt fine. Plus I was busy -filing for divorce, raising two kids, going to school and other important stuff. I just figured I’d worry about orthopedic doctors and old age back problems later; because that was all distant future stuff.

Until now. *And FYI… back problems don’t strike during your old age years, they strike in your middle-ages.

Now thanks to my know-it-all-twenty-something-self, my spinal-Legos healed together funny, causing my pelvis to be crooked; my spine to be curved; and one of my legs to be shorter; and then the rest just sounds kind of like the lines from that song, Dem Bones.

The Doc says I just have to strengthen my lower abs, stretch out my right side, wear a lift in the shoe of my short leg; and get woodpecker-like treatments, three times a week.

So I call my hubs with the good news.

So do we get a handicap parking sticker?

“Uhmm, no.”

So he is going to use a.. Wood. Pecker? What?

“It’s a vibrating thing.”

Oh. What? What kind of doctor is this?

”Geez. It’s a hand-held pulsating thing. The doc works it up and down my legs, hips, thighs, and spine. And I’m on my stomach the whole time, so it’s very relaxing; but I may be sore later.”


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