I Almost Went Dumpster Diving For Chocolate Covered Almonds, But The Cop Believed Me

I’m a size fourteen, trapped in a size six body. Really. I lost weight, but I can’t seem to loose the mindset.

And I’m tired too. I didn’t sleep last night because my house was hotter than one of the deepest circles of Hell, because our A/C died. So I’m going home to a hot house today, because the repairman can’t come until tomorrow. And I don’t want to cook dinner OBVIOUSLY. So I went to SAMs to get a family-sized rotisserie chicken, and OMG they had chocolate covered almonds. MY FAVORITE FOOD. EVER.

Now, a normal-sized-six-person would never consider buying their favoritest food in a bag measured in pounds, and not ounces. A normal-sized-six person would think, hey, this is a warehouse store, where you buy in bulk and push around carts the size of Cooper Minis. And this is a massive portion. A normal-size-sixer would think, I’ll have to get some of these in a regular store, in a reasonably sized portion, at another time.

But nooo. Not me.

When I got back to the car, I opened the bag and grabbed a handful. Then I grabbed another handful. And another. And then I felt guilty. And I decided buying a two-pound bag of chocolate covered almonds, that Hubs and my teenage son wouldn’t help me eat, was a really, really bad idea. And I needed to throw the bag away. NOW. FAST. So I spied a dumpster. But I didn’t exactly spy the the sign on the dumpster, that said it was for private use only, and there was a $500 fine for unlawful dumping. Oops.

The cop was really nice. And he patiently listened to my tearful, sort-of crazed-OCD story. And he believed me. He totally believed me. And he laughed. A lot. So I didn’t get a fine.

I’m a size fourteen person, trapped in a size six body. And I am pretty sure I have some calorie absorbing tumor; because so far I haven’t gained a pound. On either scale.

One comment on “I Almost Went Dumpster Diving For Chocolate Covered Almonds, But The Cop Believed Me

  1. starryslippers
    June 4, 2013 at June 4, 2013 #

    lol oh the muddles we get into. The cop would have found me with throwers regret legs dangling out the skip trying to get the yummy back,, but then I am a size 22 reclining blissfully in a size 22 🙂

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