Everybody Else’s Mother Wins Again

I’m not going to win The Mother of the Year Award again this year. That’s twenty-six years in a row I’ve been passed up. I’m starting to feel like Susan Lucci.

My twenty-six year old son is currently annoyed with me because I called him too early this morning, and I woke him up to ask him a lot of questions; like, when exactly did he need to borrow my suitcase, and what day was he going to drop his GPS off so I could update the maps, for him.

Oh my Gawwd Mother! Do we have to do this now? I’m sleeping! I’ll call you later.

My seventeen year old son is in the midst of a cleaning strike. It’s summer, so I thought I’d let him decide on his own when to change his bed linen, and clean his room; kind of like a responsibility litmus test. And frankly, it’s not looking good. At this point, I’m about to implement the strip, burn and bleach phase of the test.

And lately, my twenty-two year old son gets irritated with me because I send him too many texts and fill up his phone.

Everybody Else’s mother will probably win again this year. Damn her. She always wins.

Everybody else’s mother lets her kids go to school in the winter without a jacket; she lets her kids ride their bikes without a helmet; she lets her kids eat cupcakes for breakfast; she doesn’t ask her kids too many questions; she lets her kids watch rated ‘R’ movies when they are twelve; she only makes her kids bathe once a month; she doesn’t make her kids wear seat belts; she skips teacher conferences and doesn’t care about average grades or absences; she doesn’t send too many texts; she gives her kids plenty of spending money; she doesn’t make her kids brush their teeth before bed; she lets her kids enjoy unlimited TV and video games; she doesn’t care about clean bedrooms or bed linens, and she drives her kids wherever they want to go, in a timely manner.

Congratulations Everybody Else’s Mother!

There is always next year for me, and Susan.


One comment on “Everybody Else’s Mother Wins Again

  1. Noelle
    July 26, 2013 at July 26, 2013 #

    Everybody else’s mother sounds a lot like Mrs. Piggly Wiggly!

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