I’m Nicer, I Think

When I went to see the natural, bio-idential hormone doctor last October, my body was so full of synthetic horse-piss estrogen, they only gave me progesterone cream because they didn’t know how much estrogen to give me, and they told me they would do another saliva test in six months, when they could get a clearer picture of my true estrogen level. Basically, I had to go through “synthetic estrogen withdrawal” first.

And then at the six month mark, I felt good. I felt great actually. I was down thirty pounds and happy. I was sane. So I postponed my six month appointment, and my second saliva test.

Enter the first menopausal symptom: Foggy thinking.

Then in mid-May, the menopausal-symptom dam broke, and I was in full-on menopause.

Indecisiveness? Er, yeah. What to eat; what to wear; what to do; where to go. It was painful. And it wasn’t me.

Extreme fatigue? My friend asked me if the fatigue was like first trimester pregnancy fatigue, and it was. Exactly. That.

Moodiness? Ohhh yeah (in a deep baritone voice). Poor Hubs constantly did a “mood check,” everyday before he came home from work.

Hot flashes, sleepless night sweats, thinning hair, dry skin? Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

And then I had to wait. For the second saliva test results, and for the next available appointment with my doctor. Which meant for seven-ish weeks, I was a rollercoaser of fun. Seriously. I was my own amusement park. Some days, I cycled through happy, sad, nit-picky, twisty, undecided and mellow, in an hour. For Hubs I’m sure it was like being married to a bi-polar-psychopath, with a side of OCD, and full blown Tourette’s.

One night we were both sprawled out comfortably in bed, reading, and I noticed his finger nails were dirty…

“Hubs, you need to clip your fingernails. They are disgusting.”


Hubs robotically got up, and walked toward the master bathroom.

“Well you don’t have to do it now, do it in the morning. I’m sorry, but I was just letting you know… it’s gross.”

No, I’ll do it now. If I don’t do it now, it will just bug you all night and you won’t sleep. And then you’ll wake me up in the middle of the night. Oh, I think I left my nail clippers in the garage.

Hubs walked out of the master bathroom, and toward the garage.

“NOOO! Don’t walk barefoot into the garage! Just do it in the morning, otherwise your feet will be dirty when you come back to bed!”

I’ll wash my feet, after I clip my nails. Before I come back to bed.

Hubs walked away mumbling something about loading his gun.

Despite my hormone driven craziness, Hubs and I hung in there during those sevenish weeks. We made it through, mostly because I picked a man-gem; because, I swear I would have killed me in my sleep, if I were him.

So, my doc added estrogen to my compound last week, and he said I should start to feel the effects of my new bio-identical HRT, in about three weeks, maybe sooner. And it has already started working for me. I slept better the past three nights, and I feel nicer. I think. Hubs says the jury is still out… Or maybe it’s the vodka.

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