I’m Not Good At Sweet Talk

I have one vice. Well okay I have two, but vodka is a post meridiem vice. My morning vice is coffee.

First, it has to be good coffee. I’m a complete and total coffee snob.

I usually travel with my own coffee, and coffee maker; if not, then I have researched where to go at my destination, to get the best cup of joe.

Then, I must have real half and half. I drink my coffee light, with a lot of half and half, and one sugar.

Not fat-free half and half, not non-dairy creamer, not soy-creamer, and not powdered creamer (WTH is that stuff). I have to drink my coffee with full-on-fat, half and half.

I also prefer a real mug; however, I think this hang-up is probably my fake-OCD, and so I can force myself to be a bit more flexible on this point, and use to-go cups. Sometimes.

And today is another frigging rainy, miserable Saturday morning in the Florida Panhandle. I can’t go for my morning run, and I’m out of half and half.


Hubs is happily watching a DVR’d episode of Hard Knocks, so I wander into the great room and cuddle up next to him on the sofa; I act all interested and I ask a couple of intelligent questions, then I muster up my best sweet, girly voice…

“Hubs, we are out of half and half, and I really, really need coffee. I wish we had a cow.”

No, you don’t. Cows creep you out. Plus, half and half doesn’t just pour out of them. You just need to learn to use the powered stuff, we have some in the pantry. (I whine a bit and cuddle closer to him) Get dressed and I’ll drive you up to the grocery, and I’ll drop you off by the front door. I’m not going inside.

(I sit upright and go back to my normal/annoyed voice)

“Well, that means I’ll have to put on a bra. And it’s so much easier for you to just go inside. All you have to do is put on shoes. And I’ll have to put on make-up, and brush my hair. Plus, I’m not even dressed.”

I’m not going in. I went to the grocery yesterday. And you are just going into the grocery store, why do you need make-up.

“Well, if I don’t need make-up, then why do I need a bra? HA!”

I’m still not going in. You want half and half, you go in. I drop you by the front door, and I’ll pick you up.

An hour and a half later…


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