20 Going On 9, With A 17yr Old

“So how long have you two been married?”

There’s that trick-question again, from some random friendly lady. And Hubs sucks up his breath, and stares pleadingly at me, with that OMGawd-please-answer-this-quickly, and make-her-shut-up look.

It’s tricky because we’ve been married for almost nine years, and we have a seventeen-and-a -half-year-old kid. And let me rescue you from the head-math; we got married when our son was almost nine.

So obviously since I’m blogging about how long we’ve been married on the World Wide Web, it’s not a big secret; we are completely out of the closet; our friends know, our kid knows, and if I’ve seen you more than twice in real life, you know too.

But it’s still a tricky question for us. Especially when we are standing in line at the grocery store, and some random stranger is looking at us, and asking us how long we’ve been married. It’s a total trick. Mostly because Hubs and I need to make sure we are on the same page before we answer. And I know Hubs wants to avoid any Lifetime Movie moments, and Harlequin Romance explanations, while we are standing in line at the Winn Dixie.

A few times in the past, in response to this very same trick-question from friendly strangers, Hubs has blurted out the length of time we’d known each other, at the exact time I blurted out the number of years we’d actually been married. It was very Rainman-esque, and each time our faux pas had elevated those friendly conversations into either a Lifetime Movie or Harlequin Romance category.

So over the years, we’ve learned to play hot potato with this trick-question; make sure only one of us answers it. Usually it’s me. And I tailor the answer to the asker. And most times, I tell the truth. But…

Right now, today, if I answer with the number of years we’ve been married, then I’ll have to explain the six-foot-two-inch, seventeen-year-old-kid, standing here, claiming us as his parents, and loading our cart with gum and energy drinks; I’ll have to explain to a complete stranger in line at the Winn Dixie, that this kid was a wonderful surprise while we were dating, so we raised him together, then secretly dated, fell in love, and eloped when he was almost nine. Then we moved in together. See. Total Harlequin Romance.

And if the random friendly lady asks any questions, my fake-OCD will kick in, and I’ll go for the Daytime Emmy. I’ll naturally over-explain, and over-share. I’ll go all Lifetime Movie, tears and everything; failed birth control; blessings in disguise; my two older sons from my starter marriage; how we lived together in the beginning, then split up, and about our weddingmoon in Vegas with an Elvis impersonator… Yeah, no.

This cashier’s line isn’t really that long. And Hubs will KILL me.

Hubs is still staring at me while our son is loading the cart behind our backs; I know Hubs is wondering… I look at the random friendly lady, smile, and smoothly reply…

Twenty years.

And Hubs exhales.



3 comments on “20 Going On 9, With A 17yr Old

  1. notsofancynancy
    September 12, 2013 at September 12, 2013 #

    My daughter is 40 this year and I have only been married 13 years. My first marriage! In fact she got married before I did. Now that is hard to explain.

    • virtualendings
      September 12, 2013 at September 12, 2013 #

      LOL then you know exactly what I mean 🙂

      • notsofancynancy
        September 12, 2013 at September 12, 2013 #

        Why yes I certainly do! lol

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