Don’t Bore Me With Names

College football is a big deal in the South, and my oldest son is a big Alabama fan; Alabama Roll Tide, not Alabama, Auburn. There is a difference. I learned the difference once at Christmas, because my middle son is an Auburn fan, NOT a Roll Tide fan. There is a huge, tree-killing difference.

And Hubs doesn’t follow college football, he likes Miami. The Miami Dolphins, not the Miami Heat. I also learned that difference, and again, it was at Christmas.

Between Hubs and his Miami team, and my older two sons and their Alabama teams, and their NFL teams, I would have to remember the names of FIVE teams. Which I don’t. I barely remember my kid’s names. I don’t do details. I only know Alabama Roll Tide, Alabama Auburn, and Miami Dolphins because I learned awkward Christmas lessons, and watched one season of Hard Knocks.

Thankfully, my youngest son isn’t interested in football. I totally caught a break with him; sort of… He knows math, and uses big words.

And to complicate matters even worse, my oldest son, the Alabama Roll Tide fan, is dating a girl who goes to Alabama Auburn. Yep. And the Girlfriend lives in the fancy new co-ed dorm, with all the football players.

So the other day when my oldest son told me about the night he spent with his girlfriend, and how they were evacuated in the middle of the night for a fire drill… And how he forgot he was sleeping in his Alabama Roll Tide gym shorts… And how he threw on his Alabama Roll Tide hat.. And then how he ran smack into Tyler Perry, the star quarterback for Auburn… who was a really big guy. I laughed, and laughed.

My son went on to explain that he didn’t make eye contact with Tyler Perry, he just quickly retreated. My super-fit and extremely confrontational son tried to go backward to Girlfriend’s room! I died laughing! But Girlfriend made him move forward, right past Tyler Perry, because you know, it was a fire drill.

Seriously, I was peeing my pants snort-laughing. And if you know my oldest son, you are laughing right now too. But when I retold the story to Hubs, he did’t laugh; he did’t laugh at all. He just smiled. WTH?! Hubs smiled and said it probably wasn’t Tyler Perry.

Hello?! It was a funny story. HUBS THE STORY KILLER. He doesn’t know anyway; he doesn’t follow college football; he watches Dolphins. The Miami ones.


3 comments on “Don’t Bore Me With Names

  1. bensbitterblog
    October 8, 2013 at October 8, 2013 #

    That is funny. My mom doesn’t know jack about sports either and she always pretends to mix up all the terms. “That guy threw a goal”, or “He hit a grand touchdown” and thinks that she is funny.

    • virtualendings
      October 8, 2013 at October 8, 2013 #

      I don’t even try to talk sports with my guys. Well, other than I might ask how long until it’s over… And that’s it. Because I know I’m sports-challenged, and I’ll end up sounding like an idiot. Plus anything ‘sports’ truly does bore me.

      • bensbitterblog
        October 8, 2013 at October 8, 2013 #

        If you start talking like my mom does people stop talking to you about it. So that is a strategy for her.

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