Freak Flag vs Inner Old Lady

I have an inner-old-lady, and she likes appliqué holiday sweaters. I know, this is a serious freak-flag. But it’s true. Whenever I shop in a department store alone, I make a B-line to the holiday sweater section, and I admire, fondle and even try on, those zip up Halloween, Christmas or Thanksgiving sweaters. AND I LOVE THEM. In all their cutsey, glittery, matronly glory. Oh-my-gawd I want one. Every year I secretly hope we get invited to an ugly sweater party, so I can wear one.

And for years I made holiday tops, and sweatshirts! Really. I made my own seasonal appliqué! I painstakingly cut out ghosts, pumpkins, poinsettias, Christmas stockings, Santas and turkeys; then I turned the fabric into an iron-on, adhered it to the shirt, and decorated it with glitter, fabric paint, gems… my holiday tops were beautiful; and everybody in the family had two or three for every holiday, even my boys.

And my boys would kill me now if I posted a photo of them wearing an appliqué sweatshirt, so I won’t, but imagine three little boys in matching holiday sweatshirts. Aww.

I even owned two or three holiday appliqué sweaters, besides the ones I made myself; but my friend Worldly-Sarah caught me wearing one, the first holiday season after we met, and she freaked out, and told me that only frumpy-dumpy old ladies wore those kind of sweaters… Oh-my-gawd! Really? I looked around, desperately trying to prove her wrong, but I couldn’t find anyone without a cane wearing appliqué anything.

Still, I decided that maybe Worldly-Sarah, didn’t know everything (gasp!), and I needed another opinion. So I went home that day, and I modeled my favorite appliqué sweater for Hubs; I had decided to ask for his manly opinion…

“Hubs, do you like my sweater?”


“This is not a trick. Do you like it? Or not?”

Sure it’s fine. Whatever. Aren’t you hot? It’s going to be nearly eighty degrees today.

“Ugh. Okay, let me ask you this way.. Does this sweater turn you on?”

Uh… no. It looks like my mother’s sweater. But if you take it off…

And that was that was the end of that. Worldly-Sarah WAS worldly. And right. And I no longer own, nor buy, appliqué anything.

In fact, I fear appliqué.

So when I went to Loft over the weekend, and I saw this bow appliqué shirt, I almost didn’t buy it; but the twenty-six year old sales girl assured me it wasn’t old-lady-ish. And I’m a sucker for a good sales pitch… blah, blah, blah. Uh-huh. She totally fed my inner-old-lady. I bought the top. And I wore it to work today. And guess what? Five minutes into my day, a senior citizen in the handicapped parking spot next to mine at the gas station, complimented me on my top.

My f%$king freak flag is flying high today Y’all.


3 comments on “Freak Flag vs Inner Old Lady

  1. bensbitterblog
    October 31, 2013 at October 31, 2013 #

    I have the opposite problem. I have an inner young dude that loves twitter and the transformers and has energy and can walk a half a block without getting winded.

    • virtualendings
      October 31, 2013 at October 31, 2013 #

      I’m so glad I don’t have an inner-dude. That would create so many other problems

      • bensbitterblog
        November 1, 2013 at November 1, 2013 #

        I think that it would create quite a confusion amongst your inner and outer.

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