Visions of Wild Turkeys & Christmas Porn

I’ve always thought of Thanksgiving as a precursor-holiday; a practice; the kickoff holiday that gets you in the mood for the main event: Christmas. Maybe that’s because somewhere along the way in my life, I figured out that always being thankful makes me happier, so I don’t feel like I need a specific day to focus on being thankful.

One of my earliest childhood memories of Thanksgiving was when we lived in Germany, and I walked the annual Thanksgiving Day Volksmarch with my Dad, while my mother, sister, and newborn brother stayed home and cooked; or I guess my mother cooked. I don’t remember much about the food part. I just remember every year trying to spot the wild turkey during our walk, because all of the grown-ups talked so excitedly about the wild turkey. I really, really wanted to find that wild turkey, and I looked so hard; my Dad even helped me, but I never found it.

We moved to Florida and settled here when I was nine. After that, our family always spent Thanksgiving with friends and it was always a super-huge-blowout-holiday-kick-off party, complete with teens sneaking alcohol, running off to get stoned and play spin-the-bottle while the glassy-eyed parents drank Wild Turkey, played card games, and tried to corral the overtired, snotty, screaming toddlers.

And even though I still think of Thanksgiving as a lead-in event to to the Holiday season, I don’t celebrate it with a blow-out-kick-off party like the ones of my youth. My kids grew up with low-key Thanksgiving traditions like hanging out while we all cooked and ate as a five-some; unpacked ornaments, trimmed the tree and hung more outdoor lights than the neighbors.

And sometimes we have our little surprises…

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Christmas time capsule: Unpacking ornaments can be a miserable experience for a teenage boy. Last year while unpacking ornaments, I broke (a hollow) one, and a note fell out; it was written in my twenty-six-year-old son Jamie’s highschool handwriting.

…And share your funniest, craziest or weirdest holiday memory or tradition with me now on my Facebook page for a chance to win this (new) vintage Swirlgear shirt. It’s a size large, and you can’t buy it anymore -cause, well, it’s vintage.

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Just press the Facebook LIKE button… Somewhere on this blog, and it’ll take you to my Facebook page. And you should really enter, because seriously, your chances of winning here are better than in the lottery.

My funniest memory?

Well, besides Jamie’s time capsule, it has to be the  Mechanical Christmas Blow-up Porn on the neighbors front lawn. Not kidding. I wish I had a picture, but Hubs wouldn’t let me take one.

Two years ago our neighbors, three houses down ON THE SAME SIDE OF THE STREET, had a big, mechanical blow-up on their front lawn of Rudolph helping Santa in-and-out of the chimney (over-and-over again). And Rudolph would bend at the waist, and help Santa up, out of the chimney. But Santa’s head never really came higher than Rudolph’s waist. And then Santa’s head would go back down and Rudolph would bend forward, over him. Again. And again. And that’s what you saw if you saw it FROM THE FRONT.

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 It kind of looked like this image I just pilfered from the internet. But our view was from behind Rudolph. And from our viewpoint it looked like Santa was going… Well, you know.

So I want to start a new tradition; I’ve been looking on eBay and Amazon for this exact mechanical blow-up; so if you see it anywhere, let me know. And ssssh! Don’t tell Hubs. Just tell me where to buy it. He’ll go along with it. Eventually. I plan to put the blow-up in our yard, sideways. And then every year we can have some friends over, and sit on our porch, and look for wild turkeys.

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4 comments on “Visions of Wild Turkeys & Christmas Porn

  1. The Hook
    December 5, 2013 at December 5, 2013 #

    Mechanical Christmas Blow-up Porn?
    That’s just wrong – and hilarious!

    • virtualendings
      December 5, 2013 at December 5, 2013 #

      It was really funny and I miss that great-big-blow-up, a lot. It doesn’t quite seem like Christmas without it.

  2. Prevaricat
    December 8, 2013 at December 8, 2013 #

    I’m 62. Life doesn’t throw me so many new and interesting facts these days. Your post was very thought provoking.

    So, Thanksgiving is a rehearsal for Christmas? Always wondered what it was for. Here in England, there’s no run up, we just jump straight into Christmas…. doosh!

    Probably because we spend more time being apologetic than thankful 🙂

    • virtualendings
      December 8, 2013 at December 8, 2013 #

      LOL! Well, that’s how I see Thanksgiving.. As a lead in event, here in the US anyway; the stores start playing Christmas music, the Christmas decorations go up, and you start hearing people comment on being “thankful,” or the “holiday spirit.” And personally, I don’t think we should dedicate only one day a year being kind, generous, paying-it-forward, and thankful… it just seems kind of dumb. But that’s just me, and my opinion… So I choose to live “in the holiday spirit,” all year (for the most part, I have my moments). Thanks for stopping by my blog 🙂

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