Silly Southerners?

Today is the first Snow Day in Northwest Florida since 1989. At least that I can remember. A Snow Day in our part of Florida is so rare, they don’t even build them into the school calendar.

On this #SnowDay I’m at home wrapped in a blanket and sitting in my recliner, which is conveniently wedged between my gas fireplace and space heater. I don’t plan to drive anywhere today but even if I did, nothing is open. Even the Air Force and Navy Bases are closed. Really. The military is closed today.

I’m a Florida girl, and I don’t own a heavy-duty winter coat, or a pair of gloves because it freezes here once a year and it’s usually in the middle of the night when I’m asleep. And it snows once every other decade, so I don’t have a need for a heavy coat.

I don’t remember us ever having an ice storm.

We are not prepared for ice. Down here we prepare for hurricanes, and I am ready for a hurricane. I have a lantern, a percolator coffee pot, a stash of batteries, a generator, (roof) tarps, gas cans, water and canned goods. But an ice storm? Uh.. We got a space heater. Blankets. Fireplace.

All over social media Northerners are cracking jokes about the silly Southerners who can’t handle a little bit of ice. I’ll be the first to admit, at first glance it IS freaking silly that we are crippled by less than an inch of ice. Even Hubs thought it was ridiculous, and that people were overreacting… At first glance. And then our seventeen year old asked if he could drive to his friend’s house. Uhhh. Not.

We don’t know how to drive on ice. None of us do. And most of our roads are made with a crushed oyster shell mix. Does that make them slipperier?

Yes, us silly Southerners send our kids to school during Tropical Storms and Category One Hurricanes. And although we are the number two lightening capitol in the US, we’ll golf, boat, swim and paddle board in a thunderstorm. But a little bit of ice? Well. That will stop us dead in our tracks.

Our bridges are closed, our schools are closed (because our bridges are closed), and the airports are closed because they don’t have de-icing equipment. Why would they? And most of our roads are closed; nobody in our house is going anywhere. Sorry teenager.

Plus the forecast says we are supposed to get black ice. Black ice? It sounds bad so I googled it. Apparently it’s ice that melts and refreezes and it’s slipperier. WTF? Super-slippery ice. Whoa.

This morning our cars were iced over. Our garbage barrel was iced shut. Our local news was streaming live like it does when we have a hurricane; keeping everyone updated on road and business closures. Essentially everything is closed, the news people just used a thousand words and endless hours to tell us: Everything. Is. Closed. Stay. Home.

There is no way in or out of our county. Period. This made Hubs antsy so he decided to defrost his car incase we had an emergency.

“What kind of emergency do you think we might have.”

You could cut your finger off or something.

“I’m sitting here watching TV and knitting with bamboo needles.”

Here is Hubs defrosting his car:
And ten minutes later, Hubs’ car looked exactly the same. Because it’s twenty-five degrees.

Silly Southerners.

6 comments on “Silly Southerners?

  1. bensbitterblog
    January 29, 2014 at January 29, 2014 #

    I hate to tell you, but there isn’t snow.

    • virtualendings
      January 29, 2014 at January 29, 2014 #

      What is it? Black ice? Is black ice black? Is it ice snow?

      • bensbitterblog
        January 29, 2014 at January 29, 2014 #

        Snowbody knows.

      • virtualendings
        January 29, 2014 at January 29, 2014 #

        HA! I slid right into that one.

      • bensbitterblog
        January 30, 2014 at January 30, 2014 #

        Ice see what you mean.

  2. Winding road
    January 31, 2014 at January 31, 2014 #

    I’m in NW FL too! we must be neighbors 🙂 I’m thrilled school is back in session tmrw!

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