My Trash Is Not For Dead Cats

My husband feeds a stray cat. He worries about it, he harbors it in our garage during the cold weather months, and he leaves the garage light on for it, like Motel Six. Not kidding.

Our Garage is a cat sanctuary in spite of my strong feline aversion, and valid cat allergy.

My husband harbors a cat against my will. Did I make that clear enough?

Good.

‘Cause last night Hubs told me something is wrong with OJ’s leg (yes, we’ve named the stray) and he wasn’t eating.

“He is probably eating at some other poor sucker’s house, or maybe even going to HIS HOME to eat. And I’m sure his leg is fine. That cat has nine lives, right? Why don’t you take a look at his leg?”

He doesn’t have a home, he always eats here. I can’t get close enough to him, every time I try he hisses at me. And his leg is really bad, he is limping. He won’t even eat bologna.

“Great. Do you think he is going to die while you are at work tomorrow and I’m home alone? It’ll probably die on my car. Spread out on top of the hood. Should I avoid the garage tomorrow? Maybe you should take him to the vet? And why do we even have bologna? Who eats bologna?”

I told you, I can’t get close enough to him to even look at his leg so there’s no way I could get him to the vet. Plus, with your allergies you’d never be able to ride in the car again (after a cat). If he dies in the garage tomorrow just leave him for me and I’ll bag him up.

“You’ll BAG HIM UP? And do WHAT exactly?”

Throw him in the garbage. We can’t bury him, our dogs will dig him up and drag him in the house. We have hound dogs, remember? They killed a baby opossum last week. DUH.

“ARE YOU KIDDING ME? YOU CAN’T THROW AN ANIMAL IN THE GARBAGE! That’s illegal and junk. We can put it in the freezer until this weekend and then go and bury it in the woods. And then go and buy a new freezer.”

(laughing) Well, it’s not like he is our pet. He is a stray cat. And we aren’t putting a dead cat in our freezer. (eye roll and devious smile)

“Oh my gawd. Are you serious? You feed it, you shelter it, you worry about it… You buy it bologna. And it’s not your pet? I understand not taking it to the vet because we didn’t take this cat to raise and we aren’t equipped. BUT THE GARBAGE? And don’t even think about putting it in the garbage and not telling me, I see that look in your eyes. I put bags in the outside garbage barrel too, and I WILL KNOW. And I WILL BE PISSED!”

(seriously) Okay. Okay. If it dies I’ll bury it.

And then I texted my BFF Ethel and she determined that IT IS LEGAL to throw a cat (or small animal) in the trash. WTH?
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Okay. So it’s legal to throw a dead cat in the garbage, but it’s not happening at my house. My garbage barrel is for birds and bologna.

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