in sickness and health, but not vinegar

Have you ever seen that episode of Cheers where Rebecca finally decides to give it up to Sam? The one where she is all snotty and coughing and un-showered, with matted-bed-hair, unbrushed teeth, and sporting well-worn pajamas?

Well. Last Wednesday night, I remembered that episode…

I returned from my Chicago business trip last Monday with a raging ear infection, a budding fever blister, a ton of work and zero energy.

By Wednesday I had not showered (don’t judge me, it was only day three), not brushed my hair and not changed the t-shirt (Hubs’ shirt) I’d been sleeping in for days.

I also reeked of vinegar because I had been pouring a home-remedy-douche-like-concoction in my ear trying to get rid of a brewing outer ear infection.

And then there was the budding fever blister. It never quite erupted beyond a little bump because I started a round of L-lysine the minute I stepped off the plane; but the little bump turned into an ugly scab, smack-dab in the middle of my face.

So there was that.

And the duck sauce incident.

Duck sauce looks an awful lot like honey when you don’t have your glasses on. And duck sauce tastes like shit when you pour it into hot tea. So I gagged. Just for a little while.

After my gagging fit I crawled in to bed where Hubs was reading. I was still coughing a little and my nose was runny when I cozied up to Hubs because I was feeling amorous. He immediately reached over and turned off his reading light. Then he turned away from me and put his head on his pillow.

I sat upright. Coughed and wiped my nose on my sleeve.


Uh not tonight.

“Didn’t you miss me?”

Of course I missed you.

“Well? Don’t you want me anymore?”

Of course I want you. Just. Uhmm. Not. Tonight.

Then he rolled-scooted all the way over to the opposite edge of our bed. And he went to sleep.

That’s when I remembered the Cheer’s episode and decided I should probably shower. To save my marriage and junk.

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