what are names?

Recently I had lunch with my oldest son Jamie, and the subject of names came up because a relative recently gave her baby an oddball name, from a character in a popular slasher flick.

Then my son told me about a kid he knew in college named Baskin Knight. Naturally I asked if his middle name was Robbins.

Like, was he conceived at a Baskin Robbins?

All three of my sons have strong, common names; James, Alexander, Nicholas. And their middle names are just as strong. And common.

As Jamie and I sat and laughed over lunch, our conversation snowballed..and I wondered aloud…if twenty-seven years ago, I had decided to launch into parenting with trendy, artsy or unique names…names that had personal or private meaning…what names would I have saddled my boys with…? And of course, Jamie asked me what names I would have picked…

HA! That was easy.

Jamie would have been James Tequila, because he wouldn’t be here without it (and his first name was a pre-determined family name so that would have stuck).

Alex would have been Hershey SpaghettiO, because I survived on Hershey bars melted in SpaghettiOs during my first trimester of pregnancy.

And Nic. I would have named him Crash Wonder, because he is the thriving, miraculous result of wonderful accidents, including the car we totaled when I was four months pregnant.

After a great, long laugh, Jamie was very happy I wasn’t feeling trendy, artsy or creative when I filled out his birth certificate. And I have a feeling, as a member of the military, my middle son is quite thrilled not to be named Hershey SpaghettiO.

I’m not even going to ask my youngest son, who is eighteen going on fifty, what he thinks about his near-brush with the name Crash Wonder. He already thinks I’m weird.

But hey, weird is relative, and much better than trendy, unique or creative when it comes to exercising your parenting power to name a child. Right? I mean, just ask Baskin Knight.
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8 comments on “what are names?

  1. wsr429
    August 19, 2014 at August 19, 2014 #

    I enjoyed your names post! I wrote about the same subject from a different perspective. You can check it out if you like .

    • virtualendings
      August 19, 2014 at August 19, 2014 #

      Thanks, and I enjoyed your names post too.

  2. Jennwith2ns
    August 19, 2014 at August 19, 2014 #

    I think about names and what-if names all the time. This post is GREAT.

  3. PurelySocial
    August 22, 2014 at August 22, 2014 #

    Great article! As a parent I felt it was important to pick a name for my son that wouldn’t get weird looks when people read his resume. As cute or fun as a name sounds . . . That kid has to eventually get a job and live their life, without having to explain their parents’ unique choices.

    Names are powerful and having meaning. Could you imagine calling an 85 year old man by the name Crash Wonder? Just seems odd . . .

    • virtualendings
      August 22, 2014 at August 22, 2014 #

      I agree. Names are “life tags.”

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