Category: Kids

Drama Mama’s Speechwriter Needs Aide

Via text, at 7:30 on a rare morning I can actually sleep in… Mom are you awake? Hello? YESSSS (Phone rings) It’s my dramatic, twenty-five year old son. MOM! HELP! I’m screwed. Are you home? Where are you? I need you to print my speech for class. Mom? Are you asleep? Can you print it?

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Shut The Elf Up

After your kids grow up, do you wonder what to do with all those Christmas ornaments you bought for them every year? This past Christmas, while decorating the tree, I broke a hollow glass ornament marked “Jamie 2002” (in 2002, my oldest son Jamie was fifteen). When I bent over to pick up the pieces

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A Chinese Toddler or A 6-Toed Cat?

I used to love the magic of Christmas. And then my sons grew up and two of the three moved out; one by one, they stopped believing in Santa; one started asking for cash advances instead of gifts; one never wanted anything; and all three never cared if I decorated, or put up a tree.

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Who, Whom & Bat Shit Moms

My kids think I drive them “bat shit.” When my (now) twenty-one year old son, Alex, joined the Navy against my wishes and fresh out of highschool, he refused to tell me any details, including the length of his enlistment; which made for very awkward conversations with other people. “How long did Alex enlist?” I

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Kidnapping, Perverts, Sharp Things & Yemen

My friend’s son started kindergarten today and my friend is nervous and worried her little boy will get lost in the big school. Since I had the honor of being my friend’s labor coach five years ago, today is stirring up some nerves (and tears) for me too. I remember sitting in my oldest son’s

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Moms of Boys Have More Fun & Fewer Washcloths

Recently my friend and I had a conversation about the differences between raising boys and raising girls. My friend’s life is full of American Girl dolls, pastels, gymnastics and sweet smells. My friend has a daughter. As the mother of three boys, my life has always been about sourcing funky smells, ER trips, comic book

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Inner Hippies and Smokey the Bear

When I was a kid, I spent my summers with my grandparents in New Jersey. And I loved to light candles; not the put-the-dime-in-the-slot style fake church candles (we did that too), but the scented candles with a real flame. At home in Florida, my mother wouldn’t let me play with fire; so every summer,

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Take a Picture of Your Head

A few years ago my oldest son called me in the middle of the night and said that he was laying on the bathroom floor of his house and dying. I told him to take some Advil and I would call to check on him in the morning. Then I tried to go back to

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I Am The Boss of You & Towels

My sixteen year old son Nic thinks I am crazy. Last summer I took him on a road trip. We drove from Florida to Michigan and we survived 24hrs in the car together. Nic taught me valuable things like how to say “gag me with a spoon,” in Latin, that Ghandi was a drug lord

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4th of July Red Flag Parade

A couple of years ago I planned a Fourth of July vacation with my friend Noelle. Several months in advance, Noelle and I combed the internet and carefully planned our vacation. We decided on a brand new mountainside resort. The resort website boasted finely appointed, non-rustic cabins, satellite television, tennis courts, a pool, a clubhouse

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