I Have Mad Skills

I was laid off yesterday, so I’m updating my resume, and several different resume building sources recommend personalizing my resume, and noting any special skills.

Hmmm. Special skills. Let’s see… I can write in perfect, mirror image handwriting. Like this:


Maybe I can get a job as a Christmas card decorator.

Oooh. And I can pack a Uhaul like a lesbian. No, really, I can. Seriously. This compliment came from a high-authority: my gay-BFF. I’m not kidding. She has packed A LOT of Uhauls in her life. Trust me. Plus she said her gay-handbook clearly states that lesbians don’t date, they rent Uhauls.

So there’s that.

Ahh …But I’m not a very good UHaul operator. Did you know if you put the key in the cigarette lighter it shorts out the whole, entire UHaul? I mean ALL the lights, the engine. EVERYTHING. Well, I didn’t know either! It’s crazy. They should put signs in there or somethin’.

Hmmm. Maybe I should just leave my special skills off my resume.


7 comments on “I Have Mad Skills

  1. bensbitterblog
    December 21, 2013 at December 21, 2013 #

    That sucks! You’re not supposed to get laid off at Christmas.

  2. virtualendings
    December 22, 2013 at December 22, 2013 #

    I know, right?! The week before Christmas AND the week before my vacation AND they didn’t give me a severance package OR even pay me for the whole day. And I’d been there for a long time. Not kidding. It is a very a sucky company (hence the sucky timing). Oh, and they laid me off over the phone. Yes, I’m bitter.

  3. greggoryamiller
    December 22, 2013 at December 22, 2013 #

    That is really tough to be laid off so close to Christmas. On the bright side, most people don’t even think of looking for work when companies are developing next year’s budgets. Maybe this will be a good time to look at the type of career you really want. Good Luck.

    • virtualendings
      December 22, 2013 at December 22, 2013 #

      Thank you, that’s a great point! And I’m looking forward to the change, as I know there is bigger plan at work here. Merry Christmas!

      • greggoryamiller
        December 23, 2013 at December 23, 2013 #

        Merry Christmas to you and good luck, let me know if there is anything I can do to help.

  4. unemployedmillionaire
    December 30, 2013 at December 30, 2013 #

    At least you have a good sense of humor about it! Besides, packing a uhaul is a good skill to have!

    • virtualendings
      December 31, 2013 at December 31, 2013 #

      Oh yes, I love to laugh and I seize any opportunity for a good chuckle… And I agree, my UHaul packing skills are very handy. Thanks for stopping by.

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